26: Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades: The Real Reasons Kids Struggle at School
If you’ve ever stared at a report card thinking, “But…this is a smart kid—what is happening?”, you’re not alone.
In this episode of Unlocking School Success, I sit down with educational counselor Dr. Linda Silbert (who specializes in struggling readers and runs a tutoring/test prep company) to talk about the newly updated second edition of her book, Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades.
Dr. Linda breaks down why grades don’t “just happen,” how many kids are never actually taught how to study, and why the most important job is finding the real cause behind the struggle—without crushing a child’s self-worth along the way
Key Takeaways:
Focusing on grades alone misses the bigger and more fixable picture. The two main drivers behind grades are tests and homework - learn why both can go off the rails.
What “studying” actually is (and why “just read your notes” often doesn’t work).
The brain’s limits impact learning and how “chunking” helps.
Why kids remember negative feedback so powerfully and what that does to self-esteem. Shift from being the “school police” to being your child’s ally.
Why kids need skills, not just encouragement.
Resources:
How Good Kids Get Bad Grades by Dr Linda Silbert (affiliate link)
CHADD (ADHD support)
Overcoming Dyslexia by Dr Sally Shaywitz (affiliate link)
Connect with Scotti:
Website
Instagram
Threads
LinkedIn
Connect with Dr Linda:
Ask a Question:
Got a school question on your mind?
Submit it as a listener question for a future episode
Transcript
26: Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades: The Real Reasons Kids Struggle at School
Scotti Weintraub: [00:00:00] Welcome to Unlocking School Success, a podcast with the smart strategies and support parents need to help their kids thrive. I'm your host, Scotty Weintraub, parent coach, school navigator, and your go-to guide for turning School Stress and Chaos into clear strategies that work. Let's get started.
Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Unlocking School Success. It is my pleasure to have a special guest with us today. We've got Dr. Linda Silbert. Hi, Dr. Linda.
Dr. Linda: Hello. I'm so happy to be here.
Scotti Weintraub: It is my pleasure. And by way of just introducing you a little, I'll say that you're an educational counselor that focuses on struggling readers.
You also own a tutoring and test prep company, and you've been working with kids for a very long and illustrious career.
Dr. Linda: Yes. For I won't even mention. Okay.
Scotti Weintraub: A long time. Okay.
So what we're here to talk about today is a new book [00:01:00] edition that you have coming out, and the new title this time is Why Good Kids Get Bad Grades, I love that. And it's exactly the kind of conversation I wanna be having on this podcast.
So I am really thrilled to jump in and talk about this.
Dr. Linda: Great. I'm more than happy to talk to you about it.
Scotti Weintraub: Excellent. So this is the second edition of your book. So tell us a little bit about how the first edition came to be and why the second edition.
Dr. Linda: Okay. Back in 2007, I came up with this idea that I wanna write a book for parents to let parents know what they can do because we own a learning center and every parent comes in the poor things, and I don't blame them.
They don't know what to do. You go to a million people, you spend all this money, you're going to therapy, you're giving children medication. The child isn't doing better. So what is it? What causes this? And I realized I'm saying it over and over. So if I put it in [00:02:00] a book, I thought I could get it out to people.
So we came up with why bad grades happen to good kids. And so I wrote it and it's based on the name of our company. Strong and Strong is an acronym for self-esteem. The T is for trust, R, responsibility to oneself, one's family, one's community.
Okay. The O is options. Children don't realize you're failing. You have options. They think I fail. If I fail, mom's gonna go nuts. Dad's gonna go ballistic. I'm gonna be grounded. No, there are options that aren't punitive needs. I wanted to talk about children's needs. That's why that's part of our, the name of our company, because to you can't be too tired.
You have to sleep, you need food, you need time. To unwrap and sit and watch TV or play a game, the needs have to be addressed and goals that strong, the short term and long [00:03:00] term goals. 'cause that's basically what directs you. So that's why we wrote the first book and it was 120 pages. We now, almost 30 years later, decided to come up with the second edition, but we doubled the size because I realize when I say the kids need to study.
They don't know how. And neither do the parents. And I realize many of the teachers, they keep saying, write it down. Okay, go and read it. Read your notes over again when you follow the brain. That is not how to study. People don't understand what studying is. And so I have an entire portion of this book now, what study skills are, and I give specifically what to do and time management is a biggie.
That's all in the new book. So it basically end up double the size. And we also wanted to address, are the children different now than they were 20 years ago before the pandemic? Because now we have children who were [00:04:00] the brain was first developing the babies and the language part of the brain is what has to be developed before you can actually start to read.
While these were babies. They didn't hear language, they weren't with other people. There were masks. They, it was, and then once they became 2, 3, 4 years old, five years old, they're now on Zoom, sitting in front of a camera. They're sitting there, these poor little things, six years old, and language is still developing.
The reading isn't going to flow after this. Because they don't have the foundation, the pandemic, and it, and it hurt those kids in first, second, third, that were struggling and needed help. So now those kids are now into middle school and all the teachers are complaining. They can't read, they can't write.
The writing is horrendous.
Scotti Weintraub: Right.
Dr. Linda: So the pandemic and then social media. What happened to the [00:05:00] kids because of social media, especially the little boys with the games and the girls with the friendships and there's so many problems because of social media. So that's all being addressed in this new edition.
Scotti Weintraub: Oh, wow. I know a lot of parents listening are going to want to check it out just for those new pieces. Yeah. And talk to me a bit about why the name change. Because your first edition had a slightly different name than the second edition.
Dr. Linda: It's interesting, when I first wrote the book, I just wanna get all this information out there to the parents.
This is what you need to do and do. And the editor said to me, and I was very angry, you have to say it. He said, no one's gonna buy your book if the kid's doing well in school. I remember this in 2007. He said, do you want to sell your book? You want parents to be interested. If your child's doing well in school, nobody is gonna go to the bookstore.
And in those days with Barnes and Noble, we weren't all buying from Amazon. [00:06:00] And he said, and they're gonna go look for book, how to help your child do well, or the child is doing well, they don't have the need. So he said, why not? Why bad grades happen to good kids? And I went. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Oh, okay. He said because the other people don't care.
It's people who are struggling, they don't know what to do. And he said, that's all you're with tutoring you're with people whose kids are struggling. That's why you wanted more parents to do this. So now we're 20 years later and I was going to do Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids Second Edition, and then I'm going so negative.
And so we flipped it and why good kids get bad grades. It just made it so much more positive because these are these kids are good kids. I can't tell you how many parents sat in front of me with the child next to them, teenagers, preteens, and these kids are sitting. Just so miserable. And the parent [00:07:00] is going on and on what's going on, and they don't hand this and they, that they don't study.
And I say here, but they, these are good kids and they're getting bad grades. We have to find out the cause 'cause it's a, and every time the child would always pipe up and say, I am a good kid. And the parent would go, I never said you weren't. Yes, you did. You are always saying you're gonna end up flipping hamburgers someplace or telling me I'm lazy.
I no I'm a good kid. And the parent that would start defending themselves, but the poor parents are, they are so frustrated and just don't know what to do at this point. So that's why we flip the chi the title.
Scotti Weintraub: I love this change because I too talk about like how we can. Always see our kids as fundamentally good.
And I named my business Reframe parenting. 'cause I feel if you flip things a little and look at them slightly differently, it opens up conversations. And I feel like this title does the same thing. If we assume that the kids are [00:08:00] inherently good and inherently smart and inherently capable, then as you said, like why the.
Bad grades. Yeah. Then that just asks, that's just like a question. Okay, so where's the disconnect?
Dr. Linda: Okay. Now this is interesting. The old title says Why Bad grades happen to good. They don't just happen. It happens because of a reason. Nothing just happens. Okay. Especially getting grades. So this thing, we basically have good kids.
These are, I have never met a child, even though the school will send me the report, they're defiant. They're this, they're that. They let no, these are scared kids, usually very confused. And they sit down. They're such good kids. And why do they get bad grades? School gives grades for two reasons, tests and homework.
That's it. That's basically it. Even if you're homeschooling, you have to assess the child at [00:09:00] some point and figure out what do they learn it? Do they know it? Don't they know it? And so you have to, it's tests and homework tests. Are assessed. It could be oral tests, they could be written. Most of the time they're written only.
If the child's usually classified with a, then there's a problem that they can't write or something. But 90% of the time tests are written. Now they're on computers, but however they're doing it, okay, so most children have no idea how to study for those tests. And there's not a clue. And when I say to the parents, do you make them do index cards?
Do you have them sit there? The parents don't realize the brain can only process five or less things at a time. That's it. Okay. That's why your zip codes or five digits. That's why your social security cards are three and fours. Your phone numbers, your cell numbers, threes and [00:10:00] fours. But in school, when we are teaching children, we're saying, you didn't study.
We never tell them, follow your brain. We have to only do three things. It's called chunking. There's actually a term for it, chunking. And so in the book, I go into this hallway. This is how you have to study and it's not more work, and it's not harder. It's easy. It's quite simple. You take the material, number one, make sure you understand it.
How many times have we all memorized things? We don't have a clue. Okay. The new math, they want you to understand, I believe. They're doing a disservice to these poor kids. 'cause the brain, most kids, when they're in school, the brain is in the concrete stage of development. It doesn't go into formal operational until a new layer of brain cells appear.
And that's not till later, teen years. And so they say your child has a problem because of executive functioning. It's not gonna develop until [00:11:00] later. That's why they're called a child, right? They're still in concrete stage of development and you're trying to take a child and say, no, don't memorize the times table.
You have to understand it. You have to understand what it means when you mo they, most of them can't. It's very hard. Someone who's on the other side of this argument will go on and on to explain why it can happen. But the majority of kids are struggling and they keep saying, national math scores are dropping this, because there's still in concrete stage of development.
You can't say, I'll give you a million dollars if you touch the ceiling. Oh, can I get a ladder? No. You're never gonna get the million dollars.
Scotti Weintraub: Right.
Dr. Linda: Okay. So the frustration, a lot of it is simply unreasonable demands on some of these kids. It's like telling parents come in and they have five year olds and they're so upset because the child isn't reading it.
And I say they're five years old. [00:12:00] That's why they're not reading yet. Okay. Could they have dyslexia? Do we, can we find out? And you can start testing for dyslexia around three. When the schools say you can't start till seven, eight, you can start around three and you'll start getting clues. What's gonna happen here?
If they don't, they can't rhyme, they can't remember the alphabet. There's certain clues, especially the rhyming it, because remember I said before, the reading is. Follows language. If the language is not in place, the reading's gonna be difficult. Okay. But that's, developmentally, you have to wait till that child is ready and the child usually is ready six, six and a half.
If by seven that child isn't reading it, then you start looking into it, not at five.
Scotti Weintraub: Interesting.
Dr. Linda: Yeah. Yeah.
Scotti Weintraub: I love that you pointed out some very specific ways in which these kids maybe are, that there's that why behind their grades. And I know I did a [00:13:00] whole episode on this podcast specifically about grades, and I talked about how they are one measurement in one period of time.
Yes. And I think that it is so easy for us as parents to get trapped in this idea that A grade is very important.
Dr. Linda: The grade is what everybody focuses on. They are so busy looking at the grades and when they come in and the parents say, I'll bring the report card. I go, no, I don't care. I don't care.
I don't care what grade level they've been reading on. Why I have to find the cause. If they're reading they're now in fifth grade reading on second grade, sixth month. That's what the school usually sends in? Yes. Yes. Okay. There's a reading. Okay. I say to them, I don't care about that. That's a number at that, at this moment.
It means nothing. Why is this child missing phonics? Most of the grade levels are usually based on comprehension. They give them a reading passage and then they have to comprehend it. Is it because [00:14:00] they can't decode the words? Is it because they don't have the vocabulary? I have to find out the cause.
Can I tell you a very funny story though? Once this little boy, of
Scotti Weintraub: course
Dr. Linda: this is little, he was a, not a little boy. He was pretty tall. He was sixth grade already. My parents are sitting there and the mother said, we're here because he has been in remedial reading in school since kindergarten. First grade second, he's now in sixth grade.
He's still in remedial reading, and he misses out on music. He misses out on art. And so I'm sitting, I said, oh my God, you poor thing. Why? So she, he's, he goes, I don't know. I think I can read. So I said to the parents, and they couldn't figure it out. They said he reads fine. So I gave him one of the standardized reading assessments.
And he got everything wrong. So I sat down with him and I said, okay, you've got them all wrong, so you have to be careful. Most people will score it and go, no, he needs remedial reading, and they're done. I sat with him and I [00:15:00] said, why did you answer this way? What is it? Everything I realized, I said, you're giving your opinion on everything.
He goes, yeah. I said, you can't give your opinion. They don't ask of your opinion. They don't care about your opinion. When you take these tests, you have to go by whatever they wrote and then figure out what the answer is. Only what's on in that paragraph only. That's it. They, I don't care if you disagree, totally only what's there.
He goes really? He's the nicest little kid. So I take form B of the same test, the same assessment, and I said, do this one. Now you got a hundred.
Scotti Weintraub: Oh, geez.
Dr. Linda: So I call the school and I said, okay, what's been happening? Did anyone ever sit down with him to find out? What is he thinking? We never ask the kids what are they thinking?
We just keep teaching and reading books and doing all these things and getting more books and going for more therapy. What are they thinking? [00:16:00] Ask them. You just answered me that. I'm just curious. I've had kids say to me, and they could be in fourth grade, I say, why did? My first grade teacher said that once, and I'm sitting there going, your first grade teacher.
Did anyone say anything in between, do you think? I don't remember. We're talking to children. And that's the whole point. It's a child's brain.
Scotti Weintraub: And I really appreciate that you mentioned actually engaging with our kids in these questions.
Dr. Linda: Yes,
Scotti Weintraub: because I talk about it all the time and I always say, put on your detective hat because they actually know more than we think they do.
Dr. Linda: Yep. Yep. They will. And they will talk and I say to them, I just, I'd love to know what happened then. And then they'll tell me everything that happened. And one time the child was in fifth grade and went on and on. I said, when did that happen the other day? No, that was actually my second grade teacher.
She was really mean. [00:17:00] People will remember negative. Not always remember the best thing. If a teacher says something negative to you or something happens negatively to you or a parent, tears up the paper and disgust, you're not handing this in. This is just, the child will never forget this, and they're not gonna remember when someone said, you did a good job.
That was good. And that's all in these books. Because I talk so much about the feeling of self-worth, self-esteem, that is so critical, and parents don't realize how they sabotage it sometimes, and they care so much and they care so deeply. I remember a dad sitting here once and he goes, when I went to school, I, this is what they did.
And then he went on and on and then he's not doing it. I, so I said to him. Is it working what you're doing? And he goes he goes, why are you here? If it's working, you wouldn't be here. What is happening? You're here. You have to open up your mind and [00:18:00] see what it's, how does a child think what is happening?
Talk. Listen to them. That's, it's just critical.
Scotti Weintraub: It is. And I wanna talk a little bit too about this negative feedback, because this is something that I think is so interesting for parents to think about. When your child is struggling in school, they get a tremendous amount of negative feedback.
Dr. Linda: Huge. Huge.
Scotti Weintraub: So tell me a little bit about what as the impact of all of that negativity. I love that you changed the book title to be more positive. With that in mind. So just talk to us about that piece.
Dr. Linda: I'm gonna add something very little here to explain to parents how you get self-esteem is a perception.
Picture yourself walking into a room where you think everybody thinks you are great. They just adore you, and you know they all do. And you walk in that room, you feel great. Your feeling of self-worth is so high. You walk in feeling great. If you walk into a room where you think everyone's looking down at you [00:19:00] or that person, oh my God, they don't like me at all.
Or they, oh, they're all so smart. I feel so, oh, I don't have these degrees. I you're feeling of self-worth drops immediately. It's like you're walking into a room where everybody's wearing black shoes and you're wearing brown, so you feel different. Where does this feeling come from? From a perception?
Of what some of these people have said to you, how they perce, how you perceive. They may not even perceive you that way, but it's your perception now, your children, how they get a feeling of self-worth is it's a perception of how they think. Mommy and daddy think of them. It's research has shown I actually did my whole doctoral dissertation on the antecedents of self-esteem in children.
Where does it come from? So I've done a lot of research on this. We all think, okay, if they're struggling in reading, they're great painting. So I'm gonna send them to school and they're gonna do painting. Or they grade a baseball, they'll be, and then their self-esteem. [00:20:00] No, they'll feel good in that area, but they're still not gonna feel that great.
Because it's a, the school takes up your whole life. School comes in like a wedge and can separate you and your children and it's there for 12 years and then you go off to college, but it's, it doesn't go away. Okay. So it's a perception and if a parent looks at a paper and says, you can't hand that in.
Or tears it up, which is just horrendous. Or erase that. No, you gotta change that. No, you did. You re No. Go back to the computer and rewrite that. I don't wanna look at this. Instead saying to them, whoa, I loved this. This is interesting. How do you know about this topic? Where did you learn about it? And they start talking and you say
you know what? Do you mind? I think you should write that one space. But that would be great to put that in. Whoever's gonna be reading won't know that you know that. I know it now 'cause you said it, but you write so that people can [00:21:00] read and know what you are telling them through writing.
Okay. And so you explain it to them. They're not writing this paper for a grade. That's all they care. That's all they, everyone focuses on the grades. What is writing? It's a form of communication and you just say these things. You're just so good at saying these. And I'll say to them, sometime, you always come through.
I don't know. That's one of the best things you can ever say to someone. Go back to something they did and they did a good job on. One of the best things you can say to a child is. You always come through. I'm so impressed with you. And I go, how do you do that? They always look at me till they bewildered and go, I don't know. Why? And I'll say to them, because you usually hand that in even though you don't hand in the first time and they give you 10 points off each day.
You wait. You usually get it done. And they say, yeah. I said, how'd you do it? My mother made me sit and do it, and my father said I [00:22:00] couldn't go out or be in the basketball game unless I did. I said, but you did it. You did it. And they go, yeah. And then we talk about what would happen if, let's see the, his schedule.
Let's see what their schedule is. How come you couldn't get it done the day it was due? Let's work backwards. I have in the book a whole thing to fill out whole schedule. When you're in school Monday, what do you do after school? Tuesday, Wednesday third. The weekends the, you have no idea how many kids and the parents will sit here doing it with them.
They're booked up. They have no time for school and we realize you hand he that the child handed this in late and everyone's yelling. You got 10 points off, you got 30 points off. If you had handed in a time, you'd be on the dean's list. Okay? No one looks into it that well. One day he was at baseball practice.
Another day then he is taking violin. One parent once called me and said, we need tutoring so badly. He's only available from six to seven on Friday nights. And I [00:23:00] said, you don't need tutoring. I said, I own the company. I'll let you come in and we'll take your money. You don't need tutoring.
He has to cut back. What kind of schedule is that? So there's a reason, but all we do is focus on those. I don't wanna say stupid grades. I started teaching in 1966. I was, I got outta college in the sixties and I started teaching in this very upscale school and I teaching third grade and I say no tests.
I just am not having tests. And I did realize I have to do something to assess them, but I was straight outta college and I didn't wanna give any homework 'cause I said, you're in school all day. Your children, you have to go home and you have to play. I thought the parents you have no idea. The principal walked in afterwards and he said, my entire office was filled with parents on parents night about you.
And he turned and it was very cuties as there's an in teaching, you've got it. Figure out what you're gonna do about your retirement eventually. And that's what he talked about. But it was [00:24:00] so cute. But. Parents they think quantity, they want homework. They want all this homework. Look for quality, look for the quality.
And if you don't see it, talk to your child. Walk back. Maybe there's something else going on.
Scotti Weintraub: Yeah, it's, it can be really easy as a parent to get caught up in cultural expectations around. Grades and performance and to think too far ahead about, if they don't do this now, they're never going to do, X, y, and z.
Dr. Linda: I had mother,
the mother, she was an attorney and the husband was an attorney and he needed help so badly in school. This little second grader, he was precious and she said, yeah, but if it's on his record how's he gonna get into law school eventually I said. Trust me, they're never gonna look at second grade.
Scotti Weintraub: I think that's just a good reminder. It's a good reminder for us as parents to take a deep breath.
Dr. Linda: Yes. Yes. It's not going to, and once that child knows that you believe in them and that, you know what, I'm not your parole [00:25:00] officer. I'm not the police. I'm your parent. And I'm an ally. I'm not your enemy.
I'm, I am with you. I'm not your adversary, I'm your ally. And I hate to say it's all in the book because I've watched this for over 50 years and it is just watching the parents. They're basically good people. All, they all want the same thing. They all want their child to succeed, but you are the role model.
You are. They're gonna watch that perception. You are the role model. I always tell the story of the king who's walking and it's raining, and he's walking with his sons and he puts two umbrellas up over both son's heads and someone comes up to him and said, you are the king. They should be putting the umbrella over your head.
And he said, how will they ever learn what respect is if I don't show respect to them?
Scotti Weintraub: Oh. Wow,
Dr. Linda: isn't that I heard this years and years ago. I loved it. And and one other story I [00:26:00] just have to throw in that I always tell parents I this mouse goes to the psychiatrist because he's so afraid of a cat.
And he said, the cat's gonna come get me. And the psychiatrist sit and says, you are wonderful. They use all these words that to make this. Mouse feel strong and good, and very high feeling of self-worth and self-esteem, and the mouse walks outta the office and feels great. All of a sudden, a cat comes running around.
There's the end of the mouse. What did the psychiatrist forget to do? The psychiatrist had to give the mouse the skills to get away from the cat Parents. You can't give inflated self-esteem to make them. Oh, you're just wonderful. Oh, I love your artwork. Oh, I love the web. Give them skills, the study skills they need.
Give them the time. They need time management. They're so overbooked, and by the time they go to do anything, they're so [00:27:00] tired. Okay? Give them the skills and that's what's going to make them develop this feeling, and they're gonna watch you. You're a role model.
Scotti Weintraub: I think that is a great way for us to wrap up our conversation with these really useful tips for parents.
I know I, it's got me thinking about my own parenting as well. Dr. Linda, where can folks find you and when is the book coming out and where can they find the book?
Dr. Linda: Okay, you can find me at stronglearning.com. That's my whole company with material. I have over a hundred products just for kids to play games if they're struggling just to help them.
And it's, they're not, I call them purposeful, playful practice. They're purposeful, I'm giving them skills, but they're doing it as children by playing, and they'll practice 'cause they need to practice. You can find me through there and or you can just go to Dr. Linda [00:28:00] silbert@gmail.com and you can email me directly.
The book is coming out probably beginning of April. End of March, beginning of April. You can find it at stronglearning.com at my company and you'll be able to find it on Amazon.
Oh, and bookstores, I'm sure they're gonna be in bookstores.
Scotti Weintraub: I will put the links to all of those to where people can find you into the show notes,
they'll be able to find the direct links there.
Dr. Linda: Okay.
Scotti Weintraub: I'd like to just wrap up my guest conversations by asking you, based on what we've been talking about today, can you, if a parent wants to do more, besides looking up you and your company?
Where can, what's one resource? A book, a podcast a website that you think might give them more food for thought on these issues?
Dr. Linda: I have to be honest I'm not familiar with podcasts. I'm not familiar with the new books coming. I don't really, the, they have to go to someone in the school, a teacher, someone authority, figure that they [00:29:00] respect.
Okay. And that they feel will be an ally to the child, not an advocate. We don't need someone to set up, I know children need boundaries, they need limits. That's all part of self-esteem. But rules need to be broken. Okay? So someone they truly respect and, I wish I could actually tell you someone right now if they have dyslexia to follow.
Sally Schitz, Dr. Sally Schitz overcoming Dyslexia, that she wrote the book, she did the research on it, found the part of the brain. Go to Chad for ADHD, the International Dyslexia Association for material on dyslexia. Usually they have dysgraphia too there and a DHD. It's all through CHADD.
Scotti Weintraub: Yeah, and I'll link to those in the show notes too. Thank you for pointing out those really valuable resources. 'cause those are some of them I send folks to all the time as well. It has been such an honor to have you and talk about this new book because. [00:30:00] I can't wait to get my hands on it.
And I know that parents listening will also be really interested in learning more when it comes out. Dr. Linda, thank you so much for joining us today. It has been such a pleasure.
Dr. Linda: Thank you so much for inviting me.
Scotti Weintraub: thanks for tuning in to Unlocking School Success. If you're finding these episodes helpful, please hit follow, leave a review, or send it to another parent who's also navigating the school maze because no one should have to figure this out alone. You'll find full show notes@reframeparenting.com slash podcast and you can come say hi on Instagram at Reframe Parenting.
Thanks again for listening. See you next time.
